It’s Gonna Be Okay

Just when I’m moving along like skates on ice, I trip on a crack.  And it hurts.  But as always, the only way I know how to move on is to let myself feel it and get up.  It’s gonna be okay.

It’s been a bit of a rocky time for me the past year or so.  Most probably don’t notice it because I’m pretty good at hiding it.  Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone. Rather than go into all the details, I’ll just share that I’m in the midst of a reminiscence of things that have already happened to me.  It’s as if a ghost from the past decided to kick me in the ass. I dropped from space into nothing again.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t open my eyes – I was too afraid.  I was terrified the past had returned, bringing back memories of how it felt when it first happened.

Ever since the beginning of my journey, I needed something or someone to get through a maze of confusion, from running into obstacles, and letting me know it’s gonna be okay.  However, in their sneaky little ways, gremlins have been jumping in to agonize me.  But thankfully, I now have many hands to hang on to so I can kick them away.

I really don’t want to do this again.  I don’t want to feel it, I don’t want to experience the pain and fear of long ago.  Rest assured, I’m absolutely fully aware this again is temporary so I’m busting through it.  Even though it hurts like hell, I’ll just keep moving on.  It’s gonna be okay.

I’m a strong woman, and I know I have what it takes to get through just about anything, not alone but by reaching out. In the past I went through a lot of secret struggles.   However, it’s okay to reach for the help I need.  It’s okay to share my secret.   I’m talking to people, I ‘m crying on my dear one’s shoulders.  I’m just sick of being sick.  I mean, how many times do I have to bake another layer for the WTF cake.  (Sorry for the not so nice acronym – but it’s how I feel).

I’ve written blogs about moving forward, keeping your chin up, expressing what you feel, to step out of the past, look to the future and know you are strong enough to do it all.  I need to heed my own words because what my journey has taught me is that I will get through this.  Better yet, I have my many experiences to guide me.  With a few tweaks I’ll get my motor up and running in top notch condition.

Here’s the thing.  From each experience, I learn more about myself and how I have the power to overcome.  I have to feel the pain in order to move on.  I have to express my feelings and believe I have what it takes to move on.  And, I have to reach out because:

It’s gonna be okay.