Have you ever taken notice to the one thing that made you angry progresses into everything makes you angry?  How anger blocks you from experiencing things that make you happy?

My anger put a hold on everything I wanted.  Not just healing my body but my mind and my very soul.  It erected a fortress nothing could break through, and it literally held me hostage.

I didn’t know it then, but my anger began when I fell to the floor.  My life sentence took over and all I could feel was fear.  All I was stayed intact but I was behind bars, and couldn’t use any of it anymore, it wouldn’t let me.    

When I fell into the world of disability, my life flashed before my eyes.  Like a never ending movie, a little more of my life faded away into a reel of film holding stories no one will ever see again.  Of stories I would never see again. 

Then the anger set in.  I was angry at everything, what was, what is and what was I supposed to do.  I saw my anger in everything around me.  I was angry at my surroundings; they became my enemy.  I had to push myself through everything feeling as if were standing in mud.  Each dirty step I took just led me to another puddle.  I was a puddle of anger.

I was angry at my front door.  How when I opened it I couldn’t walk into the light of day without fear.  That I couldn’t go walking through the woods to feel the joy they gave me.

I was angry at nearly everything in my home.  Even the coffee pot made me angry.  Looking out the window I exploded in anger, out there was taken away from me.  Inside, everything beat the crap out of me making me even angrier.  I couldn’t see anything but anger, I was angry that it wouldn’t let go of me.

But as each day passed, I found I was sick and tired of being angry and believing that I lost everything.  What I was actually angry at was myself and for losing the confidence I once had to bust through anything.  I began to acknowledge things around me that made me happy.  They never went away; they were just hidden.  I looked through the window and saw my joy.  I opened my front door and stepped outside into the light of a brand new day that I could make my own.  I found my way back to happiness when I realized my anger was going to stay fresh as long as I held on to it.  It wasn’t going to go away until I let go of it.

So, please don’t let anger stand in the way of healing.  It only brings with it more anger until you are so consumed it’s impossible to feel anything else, it makes it impossible to move forward.  Look beyond and begin to produce your own movie with you as the hero, take yourself to the end of your anger.

Don’t let your life fade away.

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  1. Cheryl Mahaffay says:

    I feel angry sometimes when I think of all that my ischemic stroke has taken from me over the past 12 years. I loved traveling and learning new things. Now traveling is so difficult and my favorite traveling partner, my husband of 55 years, is gone too.

    1. Cheryl Schiltz says:

      I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It is difficult not to be angry and we should be. However, we can’t let it get in the way of our recovery, all that we have shared with others will always remain with us. Many blessings to you Cheryl.

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